Big Ev's XXXL Freshman Class: The 10 Worst Rap Names Nominated For The 2019 XXL Freshman Class
Every year XXL picks a group of the most distinguished, young, up and coming rappers to grace the cover of their magazine, anointing them that year’s XXL Freshman Class. Over the last few years there has been a strong uptick in face tattoos, colorful dreads and stage names that can only be described as kinda fucking weird. As you can see some examples from last year’s class include Ski Mask The Slump God, WifisFuneral and Smokepurpp. This inspired me to make my own Freshman class. I’ve decided to call it “Big Ev’s XXXL Freshman List: The 10 Worst Rap Names Nominated For The 2019 XXL Freshman List”
10. Comethazine (East St. Louis III, Illinois)
Comethazine, a pun on the medical name Promethazine, a drug commonly referred to as lean. Very original. Also, I can’t fathom how a city can be the “III” but I guess East St. Louis III, Illinois has defied the odds.
9. Bandhunta Izzy (Baltimore, Maryland)
I picture Bandhunta Izzy in the streets of Baltimore dressed in camouflage and dripping with sweat and war paint in a battle with all the other SoundCloud rappers in their pursuit of bands. Izzy struggles with actually acquiring the bands but he hunts them admirably.
8. Fijimacintosh (Canton, Ohio)
It takes a special kind of asshole to make your rap name Fijimacintosh. It sounds like a year 4350 laptop that you can push a button and it dispenses really rich tasting water.
7. Gnar (Atlanta, Georgia)
A rapper’s name and appearance have never fit together more cohesively than “Gnar”. This is the most Gnar looking mother fucker on planet earth. I mean just look at him. All I can think about is Gnar. He has Gnar radiating off of his body. Gnar Gnar Gnar.
6. Bhad Babie (Boynton Beach, Florida)
From telling Dr. Phil to “Cash me ousside” to sloppily eating ice cream off her gold selling records, it’s been one hell of a ride for Bhad Babie. She looks like a Teen Mom and raps like one of their Baby Daddies.
5. Lil Gotit (Atlanta, Georgia)
Lil Gotit simply just doesn’t get it.
4. Splurge (East Arlington, Texas)
Splurge is the word my mom uses when she’s at the grocery store and buys me a box of double stuffed Oreos. “We’ll splurge just this once honey.” As you can tell from my physical appearance my mom splurged at the grocery store quite often.
I couldn’t tell you how out of all the names he could have went with he landed on “Splurge”, but lord please have mercy on his soul. I find it very hard to believe that anyone has ever splurged on Splurge’s music.
3. Skinnyfromthe9 (Somerville, New Jersey)
While not grammatically correct, Skinnyfromthe9 is not a total fraud. The area code of the small town where he grew up in central New Jersey does in fact start with a 9. Nonetheless an atrocious rap name. He looks like a K-Mart version of Eminem thats sexually confused and raps the same way.
2. $quidnice (Staten Island, New York)
Unless $quidnuice is in someway paying homage to the legend Shoenice, I’m completely out on him. I don’t think anyone with blonde dreads has ever known who Shoenice is. Fuck $quidnice.
1. Insomniac Lamb$ (Cincinnati, Ohio)
Insomniac Lamb$ is an absolutely outrageous name. A group of lambs that struggle to fall asleep? What is going on. Not to mention it’s plural but only the name of 1 guy and not a group?! How the fuck does that even make sense?! Insomniac Lamb$ had to get the number 1 spot because it’s just a stunningly bad stage name. Biggest head scratcher on the list.
Honorable Mention – Warhol.ss (Chicago, Illinois)
wtf???